There was no talk of basketball, only of excrement.’’’
“I played like dog s—,” Jalen Brunson said. “That’s it.”
In Brunson’s defense, that was not it. The New York Knicks point guard could not hit a shot, but neither could anyone else.
The Philadelphia 76ers topped the Knicks 79-73 on Sunday, the first time two NBA teams have each scored under 80 points in the same game since 2016. Both sides shot worse than 40 percent from the field. Both sides gave the basketball away as if they had discovered some niche, leather-seeking charity.
The Knicks committed 21 turnovers. The Sixers finished with 15.
Basketballs abused backboards as often as they nuzzled up with nets. Fans remained at Madison Square Garden until late not just because the game was close but also because there was no hope to beat traffic after rubbernecking began upon the opening tip.
Josh Hart’s mind went to the same place as Brunson’s did, though Hart did not specify a species. This game could have been the result of a dog, a bull or a horse.
“We played like s—,” Hart said.
Neither the Knicks nor the Sixers were too cool for stool.
“We didn’t shoot the ball well,” Hart said. “Turnovers: bad. I think I had six or seven myself, which was — you know.”
If you watched the game, you can likely finish Hart’s final sentence for him. Hot dog eating contests display more elegance.
Sure, Hart turned the basketball over six times and didn’t sink any of his seven 3-point attempts until crunchtime, when he finally swished one in, but neither his teammates nor his opponents were much smoother. Brunson, a modicum of consistency, went for 19 points and eight assists but on 6-of-22 shooting. He sank only one of his nine 3-point attempts.
Of the five Knicks who took more than three shots, only Bojan Bogdanović (4 of 8) made more than 40 percent of them.
It was as if a couple of teams secretly obsessed with satisfying means, medians and modes set themselves on an improbable mission to average 76 points between the two of them just for team-titled irony.
“Today is Sunday? Hey, it’s college basketball day,” 76ers guard Cameron Payne said, referencing the commencement of conference tournament week in the NCAA. “We came in here, said we’re not playing four quarters; we’re playing two halves.”
But slicing eight minutes off this 48-minute slog may not have saved it.
The Knicks shot under 33 percent from the field, the franchise’s worst single-game accuracy in two years. They made only 9 of their 40 long-range attempts, 23 percent. The Sixers weren’t much better: 39 percent from the field and a paltry 30 percent from deep.
The basketball gods interjected themselves into the game if only to make themselves chuckle.
A second-half tussle between two Knicks (Donte DiVincenzo and Isaiah Hartenstein) and two 76ers (Paul Reed and Kelly Oubre Jr.), a blip that led to technical fouls for DiVincenzo, Hartenstein and Reed, led to zero points because Philly didn’t hit the technical free throw.
They say ball don’t lie. But on Sunday, it would’ve been nice if ball told a white lie every once in a while.
The Knicks did their best to fight back at the end. They could have made it a one-possession game inside the final minute, but Brunson bulleted a stepback 3-pointer off the backboard. Seconds later, Precious Achiuwa air-balled a corner 3.
It was that kind of night. And somehow, the takeaway is … nothing.
The Knicks, who defeated the Orlando Magic 98-74 on Friday, did not score well — though they did guard, which is in character for them of late. It’s the first time since January 2004 that they have held opponents under 80 points in two consecutive games.
New York was physical, as was Philly. The Sixers’ defenders dug into the Knicks’ ballhandlers, whether they were fighting to the hoop or far from it. The Knicks were never comfortable. But Philly’s scorers could not create much either.
But just like with the Knicks, this is not the fully idealized version of the 76ers.
Their MVP, Joel Embiid, is still recovering from meniscus surgery. Their All-Star guard, Tyrese Maxey, remains in concussion protocols. That’s 61 points lifted out of Philadelphia’s starting lineup. And another member of the first unit, De’Anthony Melton, is hurt, too — as is switchblade wing Robert Covington.
Philly has toppled down the Eastern Conference standings since Embiid’s injury — but not just because it’s missing its best player. A parade of injuries has hit the Sixers, just as one has hit the Knicks, who were without OG Anunoby, Julius Randle and Mitchell Robinson on Sunday. Isaiah Hartenstein is still playing through Achilles tendinopathy.
It makes games like this one, no matter how prickly a viewing experience, difficult to analyze. Sure, Knicks head coach Tom Thibodeau has already rewatched this film one, two, probably eight times since the final buzzer sounded. He’ll return to Monday’s practice with takeaways, especially considering the Knicks and Sixers have a rematch on Tuesday at Madison Square Garden.
But in the grand scheme of things, what the 76ers do without Maxey, Embiid and others doesn’t say much about their long-term prospects, and the Knicks’ failure to score without three starters doesn’t mean dreams of a long playoff run are in the toilet.
Of course, the toilet isn’t empty. And after Sunday, the Knicks just want to get rid of the contents quickly.
“We’ve got to try to flush it,” Hart said. “Got them again on Tuesday. Try to come out and play better.”
(Photo of Donte DiVincenzo and Kelly Oubre Jr.: Sarah Stier / Getty Images)
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